


Forever

by kinfic2



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-04
Updated: 2013-02-04
Packaged: 2017-11-28 05:58:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/671070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinfic2/pseuds/kinfic2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Angels will cry when we say goodbye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Forever

**Author's Note:**

> One of my first B/J fics (way back in 2007)

      I always felt the stars, destiny, or whatever you want to call it had the two of us in their sight from the first night we met. The irony is that they didn’t have us _together_ in sight for very long.   
  
      I'm dying. I know it. He knows it. Everyone knows it, yet no one wants to be the first to say it out loud, to admit the inevitable: _I am dying_. It's strange that, even in this in-between state, hovering between life and death, I can see things more clearly than anyone.  
      
     We both hoped and prayed it would never hit us. We talked about it on occasion but only in the realm of a hazy, distant future or some make believe world. After all, we were invincible. _Rage_ and _JT_ would live forever. But that was before our past and future sadly merged into our present. At least our alter egos will live on. They don’t have to worry about their past fucking up their present. However, In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter, does it? What matters is that I’m the first to go, leaving him to carry on until fate decides his time as well. He’d trade places with me in a heartbeat so that I’d be the one to outlive him. But I wouldn't be able to. I couldn't go through what he's going through now. It’s much worse for those left behind because while I’ll be there—wherever 'there' is—he’ll still be here.  
  
      I don’t want to be maudlin. I hate people who are, who feel sorry for themselves for the hand they were dealt. Yet here I am, willing to promise anything, do anything, say anything if it would keep me on this earth even one minute more so I could tell him again how much I love and treasure him. There never seems to be enough time. Well, there is, but it’s time you want to have, time of your own choosing. Something always seems to interfere with the time you _should_ have, with what's important—to say and reaffirm to the people in your life every day how much you love them. That’s one good thing to come out of this. He and I finally were totally honest with each other, admitting feelings and emotions that would have remained silent forever. How sad that would have been!  
  
      Even though the bleeps and blips of the machines show that I'm breathing, everything's slipping away a little faster. My heart aches for him. I may be dying physically but he's dying emotionally. He's sitting by my bed, berating himself for not being able to prevent this and frustrated that he can't stop it. I wish he wouldn’t be so hard on himself. It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t my fault. It was that damned fate again. I really want him to leave. I want him to go forward with his life but I know he won’t. If the situation were reversed, neither would I.

      If only I could help him through this, make him understand that we will be together eventually. It might take longer than we wanted, might not be the way we wanted, but it _will_ happen. I believe, I _have_ to believe that love will triumph, especially one that was meant to be forever.  
  
 _And when I'm laid to rest as the shadows fall, my love for you will not diminish, even as the ravens come to call.  
                           For in this hour, my final hour, I understand. We had to walk this path together, two as one, hand in hand._

~FINI~ _  
_


End file.
